A New Journey

Most journeys start intentionally. Forming as a dream and turning into reality. Mine came without any say and the first billion steps filled with pain. This journey officially started on May 1, 2009 when my mom moved out. My parents finally decided to get seperated and hopefully get healthy. Since then its been an hourly rollercoaster of emotion. Don't get me wrong, I know in my heart this is the right move but that doesn't make the transition from living with two people who are there to shelter me to one person now attempting to play every role necessary. I'm amazed at how well he's held it together, though like every single other person on this planet, he's still human. A few days ago, lets just say the house was a mess, and there was virtually nothing left to eat in the fridge. One thing I hate is a messy environment. One thing I love is food. As petty as it sounds, things like that are part of what makes a child feel taken care of. And I didn't feel so taken care of.
Thankfully me and my dad have a very open relationship and I was able to let him know how I felt with no reservations. Since then, we've made a list of chores, gone grocery shopping, and started dreaming about a more healthy environment and how we can achieve that together. We are a team. One of my favorite things that we've been doing lately is cooking dinner together. We're both a little creative and a little weird so our creations have brought some color and some fun spent together.
We still have a handful of spats at eachother every day but we both are trying and leaning on God and thats all that matters. I am so thankful for him but we both need to remember, I'm just a kid!

Sunday's Message

On Sunday John taught probaby one of my favorite services of all time. It was about Jonathan's, Saul's son, love for David. A holy moment was crafted perfectly by God when Jonathan met David and their hearts were knit together by God. This deep relationship was knit together, intertwined, and made holy by God. This story was for us, for me to know that friendships are not just coincidences of similarities or convenience, but wonderfully crafted by God before two people have even met. It astounds me that God loved me so much that He would craft beautiful relationships between me and a handful of others. These friendships have been my strength, they have been most evident reminders of God's love and I am so thankful for them. It was only this Sunday that I discovered how intentional God had made these friendships. The individuals He has knit my heart to touch my heart on a daily basis. I couldn't ask for more. Just another indication that God is GOOD.

What Will it Look Like?

I feel that lately I've tried harder and harder to be intentional about being myself and in that I assumed I would discover my...my calling in life. Quicker I guess is what I had in mind. I see people and I see what small view I have of their life and I wonder how they got there, what made them want that role, if they felt God told them to be there or found He'd wanted them there long after they had become whatever it was they were. I feel like God has something big for me. I hope that he does. But I don't know what in the world it would be. Of course I dream of being a missionary but even that may not be what God wants for me. The whole idea of being a missionary, putting my life in danger, reaching out to the orphans, the broken, the lost in the depths of Africa seems like the peak of all things good. But I know there are absolutely Godly, beautiful, genuine people who don't.
I know that the most important thing I can do in all this thought of my future is to trust God, but even though I'm trusting Him, I still have to make decisions, pursue long term commitments (college), and its hard to know where I'm supposed to turn.
I don't want to follow the normal routine of graduating, college, and a family just because its the normal routine. I would like to take advantage of the fact that I don't have to do such and God will love me no less. In this thought though opens up so many opportunities that I have no idea what in the world to do. I do believe sometimes God just throws His plan in someone's face, but I don't think He's done that with me. At least not yet. I think His will for my life will be lived through following my passions, sometimes on a whim. Its just...there are sooooo many things I want to experience and I feel like I have to choose!
There being a missionary for one which seems like an all or nothing kind of realm to jump into, being an artist, being a musician, being a mommy, owning a boutique full of all my own creations...and I know more dreams cloud my mind on a daily basis. Its just, I want it all. Will I have it all? Does God want any of it for me? Its hard not to feel like not being a missionary is selfish, though I know its not the truth.

"For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a future and hope."
Jeremiah 29:11

I'm nervously excited to see what God's plans for me are.

So I'll Give It a Shot

A woman at my church about a year ago said that everybody's story matters. Well I'm part of that crowd I guess. And even though I often feel like my life is insignificant, part of me still wants to share my heart with anyone who'll listen.